The Bra
by Lady Azura
Summary: "So you don't wear ANYTHING under your shirt?"


Summary: _"So you don't wear ANYTHING under your shirt?"_

Disclaimer: Don't own _Bleach_. 'Nuff said.

Author's Note: Enjoy!

X

**The Bra****  
**_**By: Lady Azura**_

X

In hindsight, he really should have expected nothing less. The house had never been so calm and quiet, and nearly a week had gone by since the last Hollow sighting in Karakura Town. Those should've been his first clues that something was amiss, for fate had never been so generous as to give him a few moments, never mind days, peace. But rather than pay any heed to these signs, Ichigo Kurosaki had been spending all of his free time mulling over his notes, trying to memorize each and every one before finals. The university entrance exams were just around the corner, and he was determined to do well and perhaps even score higher than that know-it-all, _Uryuu_. Though the latter was mostly wishful thinking sprinkled with a touch of envy, and the desire to one-up his sort-of-friend-slash-rival.

Twirling his pen between his fingers, he spared a glance at the dark-haired girl across from him. Rukia was deep in concentration, brows furrowed and lips parted ever-so-slightly, completely lost in the manga she was trying (and failing) to hide behind a ridiculously large textbook. Ichigo knew better, though - there was no way Geography was _that_ fascinating, especially to a girl who, for all her seriousness, instantly reverted to a childlike state at the mere mention of _bunnies_.

Dropping his gaze, he was about to resume studying when a loud commotion that could only be his idiot father caught his attention. Rukia's head perked up and she shot him a questioning look, to which he simply rolled his eyes. Before she could say anything, however, Isshin Kurosaki bounded into the kitchen, dragging a red-faced Karin behind him and grinning like a fool all the while. Yuzu stumbled in shortly after, covering her mouth in an attempt to stifle her giggles as Isshin let go of his eldest daughter and then proceeded to throw himself in front of their late mother's shrine.

"OH, MY BELOVED MASAKI! I HAVE SUCH WONDERFUL NEWS! OUR DARLING LITTLE KARIN IS FINALLY BECOMING A WOMAN - I'M SO PROUD! OH, IF ONLY YOU WERE HERE TO CELEBRATE THIS MOMENTOUS OCCASION WITH M -!"

"_Shut up_, you weirdo!" Karin snarled, hurling her soccer ball at the man's head and effectively silencing him.

At least temporarily.

"Umm… what's going on?" Rukia asked, but just as Ichigo was about to reply, Yuzu spoke up.

"Isn't this great? You'll be wearing a real bra before anyone else in our class! I bet you're so excited!"

"_Ecstatic_." Came the sarcastic response.

"As you should be, my child!" Isshin boasted gleefully, suddenly appearing between the two girls. "Why, a girl's first bra symbolizes her journey into womanhood, right next to her menstra -" He was cut short when Karin's fist nearly connected with his jaw, but jumped back in time to dodge it. "So close, Karin! But unlike you, I've had _centuries_ to master the art of -"

"WILL YOU _SHUT UP_? WE'RE TRYING TO STUDY!" Ichigo shouted over him.

Well, that was part of the truth. The other part was that he didn't want to think about his little sisters becoming young women, because that meant that there would young _men_ vying for their affection, and _someone_ had to fend off those hormone-driven perverts since their _father_ would probably only encourage it. Above all else, though, he was starting to feel a headache coming on, and the circus he called a family - and Rukia, who just sat there and watched amusedly - weren't helping.

Unfortunately, no one appeared to be listening. With an irritated sigh, Ichigo slammed his binder shut, and began to gather the textbooks and loose papers littering the table's surface. Soon, Rukia joined him, and when they were finally done, they slipped out of the kitchen and up the stairs, heading straight for his bedroom. To _solitude_. They would've studied there earlier (well, _he_ would have while Rukia immersed herself in her - _his_ - manga collection) but Kon had been particularly annoying that morning, and besides, there wasn't anything to snack on.

"Kon's gone." Rukia's voice drew him out of his reverie, just as he closed the door behind him.

"_Good_," he said, "that's one less distraction."

"Where do you think he is?"

Ichigo shrugged, straddling his desk chair backwards to face the petite Shinigami. "Who knows? Probably off spying on girls or something."

Rukia's head bobbed slowly in response, but as she sat on the edge of his bed, she seemed to drift off into a world of her own. Then came a blanket of silence, and Ichigo seized the opportunity to crack open his notebook and pick up where he'd left off. He was about three paragraphs in when he was interrupted.

"Ichigo."

The substitute Shinigami groaned inwardly, but swivelled around anyway. "Yeah, what is it?"

Rukia was staring intently at him. Ichigo arched an eyebrow, but said nothing, and waited for her to reply. When she did, he wished she hadn't.

"What's a bra?"

It was all he could do not to keel over, but somehow, he managed to remain relatively composed.

"Wh-what was that?" He stammered incredulously.

She frowned.

"I _asked_ -"

"I heard you the first time!"

For a split second, Rukia looked taken aback, but she quickly got over it and glared at him.

"What are you yelling at me for? It was just a question!" She snapped.

"Yeah, but - what do you mean you _don't know_? You're a girl!" Ichigo cried.

Rukia folded her arms across her chest. "I fail to see what that has to do with anything, and you _still_ haven't answered my question."

Ichigo opened his mouth to retort, but nothing came, just incoherent sputtering. Making a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, he stood and began pacing back and forth frantically, waving his arms and muttering to himself. Rukia's gaze followed, her forehead wrinkling in concern. Before she could voice her worry, however, the orange-haired teenager suddenly rounded on her.

"_So you don't wear _anything _under your shirt_?" He cried disbelievingly, and then froze, immediately regretting his choice of words.

At first, Rukia only blinked up at him. She didn't seem angry, just stunned, and the kick to the head that he was fully expecting never came. Ichigo relaxed for a moment, only to go rigid soon after when Rukia's expression changed, twisting into a mixture of embarrassment and outrage.

"Don't be ridiculous! Of course I wear something, you idiot! _See_? I'll show you!"

"Wait, what are you talking ab - hey, stop that! Rukia, what do you think you're doing? GAH! _Don't take your shirt off_!" With a final cry, Ichigo covered his eyes.

A short laugh echoed throughout the room, and Ichigo dared to spread his fingers, only to be met with the sight of… bandages. Lots and lots of bandages, covering Rukia's entire torso save for her midriff and neck. He flushed, suddenly feeling rather stupid, and judging by the smug smirk tugging at Rukia's lips, he probably _looked_ it as well.

"_See_? Nothing to get yourself worked up about, _boy_." She teased. "What, did you think I was gallivanting off, fighting Hollow and Arrancar without keeping my breasts secure? Most of the female Shinigami bind them as well. Otherwise they'd just get in the way during battle."

Ichigo felt his face heat up, and promptly narrowed his eyes. "So you mean to tell me that you've just been wearing _bandages_ this entire time? Even at school?"

Rukia nodded.

"Yes, what else would I wear?" 

"A bra! Like every other girl!" Ichigo cried, and then pointed an accusing finger at her. "What _you're_ wearing is completely unacceptable in today's society!"

Rukia stared blankly at him. "What's wrong with you? Why do you care how I choose to manage my breasts? It's not like -"

"Stop saying that!"

"Saying what?"

"You know what!"

"'Breasts'?"

"GAH!"

"Oh, don't be such a baby!" There was a pregnant pause before Rukia spoke again. "And you _still_ haven't explained this 'bra' concept to me." She went on, even going so far as to use finger quotes.

Ichigo wished he'd never taught her that.

"Well, it's… it's…" he started, desperately searching for the right words, "A bra is… well, it helps support your… erm…" he trailed off, growing flustered for the umpteenth time that day.

Rukia's gaze hardened, clearly not pleased with his half-assed answer. The resemblance between her and Byakuya suddenly became disturbingly uncanny.

Ichigo almost trembled in fear. _Almost_. Still, he didn't like the icy look she was sending him, but it was just _way_ too awkward trying to explain the function of a bra to a girl - nay, a _woman_ - who was technically old enough to be his great grandmother. Really, considering how much time she spent in the living world, he'd have thought Rukia would've picked up on these things already. Just what did girls _do_ in the change rooms anyway?

He shook his head, trying to erase the sudden barrage of not-so-innocent mental images. Damn hormones. This was beginning to turn into a very stressful day. He needed help, and fast.

And then, as if someone was actually listening to his silent request (not plea - Ichigo _refused_ to plead with any deity) a light bulb seemed to go off in his mind.

Of course! How hadn't he thought of it before? The answer was so obvious! It was perfect!

"Rukia, wait here!" He ordered, whipping around and racing out of his bedroom, leaving the door wide open. "I'll be right back!"

"Fool! Where do you think you're going? You still haven't explained anything! HEY! GET BACK HERE, YOU COWARD, AND FACE ME LIKE A… hmm… how does the phrase go again?"

X

A few blocks away, Orihime Inoue found herself in her living room with her hands planted firmly on her hips, in the middle of an intense (well, on her part) staring match with the white and black feline before her, who stubbornly refused to eat. Puffing out her cheeks, she tapped her foot impatiently and pointed to the food dish a few feet away, but the cat merely stared blankly at her from his spot on the couch, as if she were nothing but a nuisance to him.

She sighed, dropping her "angry" façade. Once again, she would have to plead with him.

"Ulquiorra, _please_ eat your dinner for mommy! Ishida-kun will be here any minute now, and -" she was cut off abruptly by the sound of the phone ringing. "I wonder who that could be…" she said, temporarily forgetting about Ulquiorra as she made her way into the kitchen and answered the call. "Hello?"

_"Inoue, is that you?"_ A familiar voice said from the other end of the line.

"Kurosaki-kun? Ah, yes, it's me… wow, what a surprise! You never call! I didn't even know you knew my number!" She laughed airily, but then stopped, growing serious. "Wait… is something wrong?"

_"Uhh… well, you could say that…"_

Her brows drew together. "Is it a Hollow? No, that can't be it… you wouldn't need my help for that - OH! You're injured, aren't you? Kurosaki-kun, you really should be more careful -"

_"What? No, no! It's not me, it's Rukia… well, it has to do with Rukia… I mean… umm…"_

"Kuchiki-san is hurt?" Orihime asked fearfully.

_"No, she's fine!"_ Ichigo quickly assured her. _"It's just… ah, how do I put this… umm… could you bring some bras over?"_

Her mind went blank for a few seconds, trying to process what he'd just asked.

"Umm… what?" She laughed nervously. "Kurosaki-kun, I think I might've misheard you… what did you say?"

_"Rukia needs some bras, so could you bring some over?"_

"But Kurosaki-kun… I don't think -" She started, but stopped when she heard the dial tone.

He'd hung up on her.

She stared at the phone for a long time.

Tumbleweed rolled by with no explanation.

She continued to stare at the phone.

"Inoue-san?"

Snapping out of her reverie, Orihime spun around to find Uryuu standing behind her. Her eyes lit up.

"Oh, Ishida-kun! I didn't hear you come in! Would you like something to eat?" She asked.

"Ah, no thank you…" He said, adjusting his glasses. "Is… there something wrong? You looked troubled just a moment ago."

"I'll… tell you about it on the way to Kurosaki-kun's…" She replied, before bounding into her bedroom to retrieve what he'd asked for, and stuffing them into a plastic bag. _'This is going to be so strange!'_

A shrill cry made her rush back into the living room, where she found Uryuu sitting on the couch, face contorted in pain as Ulquiorra dug his claws into the bespectacled teen's upper leg.

"Oh no… bad Ulquiorra! Bad kitty! You let go of him right now, Mister, or you won't get any treats for a week!"

X

"Well?" Ichigo pressed as soon as the petite Shinigami emerged from the bathroom, looking none too happy as they relocated to his room.

She glared at him from over her shoulder before handing the bras back to their owner.

"They don't fit."

"There were like eight of them Rukia." He said pointedly.

"Yes, and not one fit me. They were too big!" She huffed.

"Too big?" He repeated, frowning, and spared a glance at Orihime.

She smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, Kurosaki-kun. I tried to tell you over the phone that they probably wouldn't, but you hung up before I could…"

Ichigo's cheeks heat up with embarrassment and he scowled, looking away. Beside him, Uryuu pushed up his glasses, a noticeable smirk tugging at his lips.

"You're really not _that_ stupid, are you, Kurosaki? I mean… the difference in size is pretty obvious. You had to have known that -"

"S-shut up!" Ichigo cried, his face now resembling that of a tomato. "I wasn't thinking straight, that's all! And what the hell are you doing here anyway, _Uryuu_? I don't remember inviting you!"

"I did!" Orihime chirped, lifting her hand. "Ishida-kun and I were planning on going fabric shopping after this, so I let him tag along."

Ichigo's expression grew sour.

"_Great_…" He ground out disdainfully.

"But if you want… we _could_ take her bra shopping after we're done… and you could join us too, Kurosaki-kun! It'll be so much fun!" Orihime went on, grinning broadly, completely oblivious to the horrified looks she received. She turned to Rukia. "What do you say, Kuchiki-san?"

A chance to embarrass Ichigo was too good an offer to pass up. Rukia smirked and nodded, much to the substitute Shinigami's chagrin.

"Sounds like a plan!" She replied in her overly-cheery tone. "Isn't this just _exciting_, Ichigo?"

X

Some odd hours later, Ichigo found himself in a _lingerie_ store, a place he never thought he'd ever have to step foot in. Yet here he was, sitting on a tacky red loveseat under a fake chandelier outside the dressing room, carelessly flipping through girly magazines while waiting for Rukia to come out. Uryuu and Orihime had ventured off a while ago, in search of the cinnamon buns that the latter had smelt earlier, wafting through the air as they made their way through the mall.

As for the department store woman… she'd gone on break after taking Rukia's measurements, and had been gone for the last fifteen minutes. How stupid… it would be _so_ easy to steal something. Not that Ichigo _would_. He had absolutely no desire to even touch the lace thongs in the 3-for-15 bins or the overpriced silk nightgowns that hung on the walls. None whatsoever. He imagined Kon would be in heaven, though. And Keigo. And just about every guy at school, with the exception of Uryuu, who was too "gentlemanly" - prissy was more like it - and Chad, who just… wouldn't.

Ichigo blinked and shook his head. Why was he even thinking about it?

He sighed, glancing at the clock by the cash register. He rolled his eyes and he craned his neck to peer over his shoulder.

"Oi, Rukia! Are you almost done? I'd like to leave _today_, if it isn't too much to ask, princess."

There was no answer.

His brow furrowed. Standing up, he made his way over to the dressing room she was in and knocked on the door.

"Hey, you in there?"

He heard a loud _thump_, followed by a string of profanities that would probably give Byakuya a heart attack.

"Hey!" He said again, knocking harder.

_"Just a minute!"_

Ichigo made a face. "What's taking you so long?"

_"Umm… nothing? I just… wanted to admire myself. Yeah, that's it!"_

"Admire _what_? It's not like you have anything _to_ admire."

_"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"_

He smirked.

"You heard me. Now hurry up and let's go."

_"I can't."_

Ichigo frowned. "Why?"

_"I'm stuck."_

"What." He deadpanned.

_"The clasp… it's stuck. It won't undo. Tell Orihime to come in and help me."_

"Uhh… yeah, that's gonna be a problem." He said, peering around the corner to see if either of their friends had returned. They hadn't. "She's not here right now."

_"Oh."_

An awkward silence fell upon them, before Rukia spoke once more.

_"Then… could YOU help?"_

He suddenly felt very light-headed. Where the hell was Orihime? It didn't take ten minutes to buy a cinnamon bun! Though, knowing her, she was probably loading it with teriyaki sauce, or something equally as weird. But why did Uryuu have to go _with_ her? It wasn't as if she was incapable of finding her way around a _mall_ - she was a _girl_! It was practically instinct for her! And right now, _he_ needed someone else to help _Rukia_, because he sure as hell wasn't going to go in there and -

_"Ichigo?"_

Speak of the Devil.

He swallowed. "Yeah… I'm here… just spaced out. Sorry."

_"I unlocked the door. You can come in."_

Damn it… he should've called Tatsuki. It would've made things so much easier.

So why was he reaching for the door?

_'I'm just… helping a friend.'_

Squeezing his way into the tiny room, he shut the door behind him with a soft _click_ and tried not to look at the dark-haired girl - _woman_, he reminded himself - before him. He failed. Almost as soon as he glanced up, he couldn't look away. Rukia stood with her back facing him, but he could still see her reflection in the mirror, and she was _blushing_. She was just in skirt and a bra - her tank top lay discarded on the floor - and… were those _strawberries_?

Yes. Yes, they were. Tiny strawberries decorating the simple white bra that left a surprising bit to the imagination, but certainly wasn't helping _him_ in the least, nor his bodily reaction.

The universe was out to get him. That was the only explanation. Why else was he being put through this torture? After all he'd done for the world… and _this_ was his reward? To see his best friend half naked but not being able to _do_ anything about it? Not that he _wanted_ to - at least, he didn't think he did, but now he wasn't too sure. His body certainly wanted relief.

Wait. Where did _that_ come from?

_'Not now. Not now. Not now.'_ He willed, but his body refused to listen.

"_Ichigo_,"

Uh-oh. The warning tone. He'd been staring for far too long.

"Sorry," he apologized, and began working on the clasp.

He pulled, but it refused to come undone. It was really stuck. He pulled harder, but still, nothing. In front of him, Rukia was unusually quiet, cheeks tinged with red and holding her arms in front of her chest. A particularly hard tug made her yelp and glare at him through the mirror's reflection.

"That _hurt_, you idiot!" She snapped. "And don't pull so hard, you'll break it! Orihime said this was expensive!"

Ichigo glared right back at her.

"You asked me to help you. I'm _trying_ to help you, so quit complaining already!"

"I wouldn't _be_ complaining if you were a little more gentle!"

"I'm being as gentle as I can!" He cried, "It's kind of hard when the clasp won't budge! How the hell did you manage to get it _stuck_, anyway?"

"I don't know!" She barked, "And don't blame me! This isn't _my_ fault!" 

"Oh yeah?" He challenged, "Then _whose_ fault is it, then?"

"Yours!"

"_Mine_? How is this _my_ fault, you damn midget?"

Rukia elbowed him in the gut and spun around, jabbing him in the chest with her index finger.

"If _you_ hadn't made such a big deal about how _I_ decided to keep _my_ breasts in place, then _we_ wouldn't even be in this situation!"

"Yeah, well if _you_ hadn't asked what a bra was in the first place, then I wouldn't know, and -"

"WHY DO YOU _CARE_?"

"Damn it, Rukia!" Ichigo growled, and before he knew what he was doing, he grabbed her by the shoulders and crushed his lips against hers.

He couldn't explain what had come over him. He wanted to blame it on hormones, or years of pent-up sexual tension, but he knew that it was much more than that.

She struggled at first, trying to squirm out of his hold, but he just held on tighter, afraid to let her ago - afraid to face the consequences that would inevitably follow. A few seconds passed where she simply went still, and let him kiss her, but just as he was about to part, she started to respond. She leaned into him, standing on her toes and looping her arms around his neck; in turn, his own hands found her waist, his thumbs stroking her soft skin, savouring the feeling of it.

A whine nearly tore through his throat when Rukia broke the kiss, panting heavily. Ichigo took the time to catch his breath as well, waiting for a reaction. He fully expected her to start yelling at him, but instead she just stared up at him through lidded eyes, cheeks flushed and lips parted. He suppressed the urge to kiss her again, and ignored his Hollow's plead to _"Take her now, when we still have the chance!"_

'Shut up.' He thought back irritably.

"Ichigo…" Rukia's quivering voice drew his attention back to her, and he stiffened, waiting for the rejection. _I'm sorry, we can't. It would never work. We're from two different worlds. Nii-sama would surely kill you._ "What the hell was _that_? That was… wow…"

Ichigo blinked.

Was she serious?

"Y… you're not mad?" He asked.

Rukia shook her head. "Should I be?"

_Yes! I kissed you! I took advantage of you! You're half naked!_ He wanted to shout, but the words wouldn't come.

Rukia seemed to sense his worry nonetheless, however.

"It's not like… I haven't ever thought about it… _us_, I mean… like _that_…" She confessed, glancing away in a failed attempt to hide her blush.

Ichigo's eyes softened. "Rukia…"

She shot him an incredulous look. "Hey, what's with that stupid face? Don't think this changes anything! I'll still kick your ass if I need to!"

He felt a smirk tug at his lips, and reached out to ruffle her hair, just to get on her nerves.

"Yeah right!" He snorted, "You couldn't kick my ass if your life depended on it!"

"Why you -!"

Ichigo cut her off with another kiss, effectively silencing her for the time being. It wasn't nearly as long as their first one, and after a couple of seconds, he pulled away looking quite smug.

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself," he said, grinning wickedly, "But hey! At least I know how to shut you up now!"

Rukia's eyes narrowed dangerously. Ichigo suddenly felt the temperature drop, and sensed murderous intent emanating from her in waves. He swallowed hard and laughed nervously, slowly backing away from her.

"T-that was a joke! Really! I meant nothing by it! Rukia? Hey! What do you think you're doing? We're in public! Wait, wait - _GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH_!"

X

They were about halfway across the mall's parking lot when Orihime paused mid-step, causing Uryuu to almost crash into her. Fortunately, he caught himself in time.

"Why do I feel like we're forgetting something?" She wondered aloud, tapping her chin thoughtfully.

Uryuu cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses.

"I'm sure it's nothing." He lied, "Just keep walking, Inoue-san."

So they did.

X

"Hmm…" Isshin's forehead wrinkled as his brows drew together.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" His youngest daughter questioned as she hovered over the kitchen sink. Her twin sat at the table with her arms folded across her chest.

"My daddy senses are tingling…" he murmured, "this could only mean one thing…" Suddenly his eyes lit up and he leapt to his feet, nostrils flaring as he struck a ridiculous pose in the middle of the kitchen. "MY SON HAS FINALLY BECOME A MAN!"

"_Shut up_, you freak!"

X

**FIN**

X

**This is my longest Bleach oneshot to date. Anyway… I tried to keep the characters IC, so I hope you guys enjoyed. A few things before sign off, though:**

1) I sort of played up Ichigo's naivety a bit.

2) The Ulquiorra kitty was inspired by a comic strip I found on Deviant Art a few months ago. I'd link it, but I don't know how to do that. Now, whether or not you want the kitty to actually BE Ulquiorra, or simply named after him, is completely up to you.

3) The title is uncreative. I _know_. But I've never been good at coming up with interesting titles… without help. Seriously. Trying to do so is like yanking teeth.

**And… that's all I have to say. For now. I really hope you guys enjoyed. Please ****REVIEW**** and tell me what you think! Constructive Criticism is always welcome.**

_**-Lady-Azura-**_


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